Archive for July 2009
The trinity to a good man’s heart
Sundays are usually my day of reflection and pondering to a degree for me. And yesterday was no exception for me. As I think of following God’s journey towards the goals he has set for me on the romantic front, I sat there and thought about the women that have been in my life the last few years and always knew that there was something missing in each one, a missing ingredient that was a virtual showstopper and halted the progression into a true courtship where the end goal was marriage. Along the same lines, there were some women that had it all, but with all humility I can say either I didn’t do it for them, or external circumstances beyond control got in the way (just being 100 with everyone).
As I was thinking on this, Traci Townsend, a low-budget “black love” movie, came on TVOne. It’s a story about a black woman who is successful, independent, and fine as hell, yet can’t seem to find a man that will marry her, and an investigation into past relationships reveals to her what her true flaws were. In the middle of that, she was at the nail shop with her girls. While there, she got schooled by the asian nail technician who had been married for 22 years because she was able to maintain peace of mind and mental stimulation in her husband.
Ironically, a couple of hours later, a friend of mine, CocoaDiva, posted a blog on her site that spoke to the way to a man’s heart. In there, she spoke to the same mantra of capturing a man’s mind in order to get his heart, and that anything else is secondary (but still essential).
Sometimes me and CD don’t always see eye to eye, but this time around we’re on the same page. However, I do need to supplement her assessment and bring a few things into perspective:
1. The ability to capture a man’s mind – to stimulate a man’s mind and bring peace of it – is THE most important and longest lasting dynamic that a woman MUST possess. PERIOD!!!! Although men have different levels of mental and intellectual capacity and aptitude, you have to find a way to strike that chord in an authentic way.
2. You must capture a man’s eye. A man must be attracted to you physically as men are visual creatures by nature. When a man thinks of your face in his mind, it should not be a haze to him where he feels he has to reach to smile at the thought of you. And that goes for in the light AND in the dark. That desire must be there 24/7, even if he’s mad at you and vice versa.
3. A good man has a relationship with God (whether Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc), and if a man can see the God in you in how you live your life (and not just adhering to religious protocol), and it syncs up with the God in him, then you can capture a man’s spirit.
* Honorable mention: A woman that can cook and knows to keep a house clean is added bonus (to me at least). Granted, there are some triflin’ women out there who couldn’t buy their way out of a dirty house or who fail to cook water properly, and some men will ride with that. Just not me. LOL *
A caveat to remember, ladies, is that everything I mentioned above is subjective as each man is individual in what he wants, needs, and desires. Me and my boys can have a conversation about this same thing, and the discernment of mental stimulation, attractiveness, and spirituality will vary across us all if we decide to speak on a granular level.
If you’re the right woman for a man, unlocking the trinity to a man’s heart won’t be a problem for you. If he doesn’t give you his heart, and begins to pursue you with the intention to court you and marry you, without hesitation and negotiation, then you are NOT THE ONE for him (maybe not yet or not ever). If you are in that stage of romance, and any of those corners of the trinity get lost, you WILL lose your man in one way or another.
