The Blog of RichBrand

Hey everyone, I know it’s been a while since I last wrote. I have had a few things on my mind to talk about, but life took precedence over that and RichBrand had to take a break to get things in order.

Anyway…….. as I approach 30 next year, I know that I have lived a decent life and have seen and experienced my share of things for someone that’s not as social as most people in my network. I’ve met a variety of people in my journey where impressions have been shared and internalized. I am one of the first to accept accountability for how I treat and have treated people over my lifetime. I also own when my impressions weren’t exactly impressive to some people: the days when I was corny, the days when I was a jerk, the moments when I was awkward, and the times when I was offensive.
I bring all of that up because it’s funny how hypocritical we can be when it comes to looking at the positive change in others that we neglect to acknowledge, yet expect for others to see how far we have come. Maybe it’s selfishness, maybe it’s mental and emotional apathy, but either way it’s something that all of us have been guilty of more than once (some more than others).The child you were at 11 is not the young adult you were at 19 nor the adult you are at 30.

I brought this up as a question on my FB page weeks ago asking, between men and women, who has the biggest issue with this. The overwhelming consensus was this: women are less likely to forget how they felt when they met you and when they were around you (especially if it was negative or unfavorable to them). So regardless of what happens from that point on, most women will hold on to that perception of you damn near forever UNLESS something happens in your life that changes their mind about you to their short or long term benefit (i.e. you get some money or fame). If you were the introverted geek at 14, or the obnoxious jerk at 23, or the religious zealot at 26, sorry homie, but that’s who will always be, even if you become the renaissance man at 33. So fellas, if you have thought about dating ladies in your past, I challenge you to think about how you treated them then, because chances are, the effects are irreversible. Just like women fail at changing how a man rolls, we fail just as much at changing a woman’s initial perception of you. (Sidebar: Fellas, your best bet is to date a woman in your past that doesn’t know enough about you from back then to project an outdated perception onto you.)

“Come on Rich, have more faith in us ladies. We’re not all like that. And some men are like that too.”
You’re right, but most women are and it’s more common among women. Given that women are more emotional by nature, that makes it a more likely scenario. Plus, I know one man that most sistas despise, even though he has changed over the years, and sistas still hold him to the perception they had of him from years ago: Kobe Bryant. MESSAGE!!!

Now I’m not saying guys are not like this either, because in some cases we are, but most of our perceptions start in our pants, given that we’re visual creatures. Men are more likely to forgive the first impression he gets from a woman, ESPECIALLY if she is FINE. How many times have you heard this conversation:

1:(Homie/dawg/frat) I don’t know about her. She mad stuck up, she ain’t got no sense.
Dude 2: Yeah, she went to (school) with us and all, but ain’t doing nothing with herself.
Dude 1: Right, and she did a lot of our boys dirty on the low low.
(silence)
Dude 1: BUT would you still hit that though if she came at you?
Dude 2: Hell yeah (homie), she’s fine as hell.

Steve Harvey brought up on his morning show about the things that some men will tolerate to be with the “baddest chick”. I’m sure most of you who are reading this know a dude who’s in a jacked up relationship with some woman who is no good for him, but he will not leave because of his ego in the sense of “I may NEVER get a woman this fine ever again.” Do I think that’s stupid? Yep. Have I done this before myself? I would be lying if I said I didn’t. Most men don’t let go of Shallow Hal until they grow up and realize what truly makes them happy (and also that the women who are “pretty, smart, and nice at the same time” that we slept on back in the day because they didn’t have enough “style” are usually married by 25).

Like myself, we are all a work in progress and our goal should be to improve and self-upgrade whenever possible. We all have misjudged people based on where they were at the time, and where we were at the time. Remember folks, this is 2009, not 1989, 1996, or 2007. By nature, we all evolve and (for the most part) grow and continue to learn more about ourselves and about others. Everyone wants to feel prideful about who they are, what they are about, what they have overcome, and where they are going. Think about where your Creator has brought you from, what you have been brought through, the trials and tribulations of your life, and that feeling of pride and confidence you have as a result. Now imagine if those in the ballpark of your circle only see you as that nappy headed nerd who didn’t wear deodorant in middle school, or the campus player that tried to sleep with every cheerleader during senior year in high school, or the unapologetic DrewRat from freshman year at Howard, or the overnight celebrity that pledged a frat. Is that you now? Of course not. Why do you bitch and complain when people lock you in to 1999 when you do the same.

Personally, if I did that, I wouldn’t have some of the blessings and support I have now. For example, the same woman who cussed me out 5 years ago over email is the same woman who prayed for my recovery from my recent surgery. Granted, I didn’t forget that vicious email, but at the same time I have also acknowledged the God in her that she showed to me through her thoughts and words. There comes a time when we have to update our perceptions of ourselves and of other people, otherwise our personal growth is stunted. Think about that the next time you roll to that next class reunion or homecoming.