I know it has been a while since I have written on the topic of love and relationships. Part of that reason was because honestly I had run out of things to talk about and felt that I needed to just be silent in the affairs of my love life. However, over the holidays, for the first time in a couple of years, something hit my spirit that I feel that I need to get out.
In most wedding ceremonies, there’s a portion of the ceremony where the presiding minister will say “If there is anyone who feels there is just cause for these two not to be joined in marriage, please speak now or forever hold your peace.” I remember several years back when I was at my cousin’s wedding in Vegas. A quote by the presiding minister was made that became an “A-Ha” moment later in my life. Instead of the aforementioned, he said (paraphrasing) “If there is anyone who feels these two should not be together, there is an exit on both sides of this room. Please walk out of one of them right now, and don’t come back.” Of course at the time I looked at the quote as him saying that the wedding should only be attended by those who are in agreement with that union (and a quote I might actually steal for when I get married).
But as I was sitting one day, thinking about what will it be like for me when I meet the one. One consequence I know that will occur is that I will lose some female friends; not because it will be a requirement to keep my woman (because I will not court/marry a woman that has trust/security issues), but because these are women who are not genuine and only wanted to be my friend in the hopes of being pursued by me at some point in time, sometimes without making it known that there is an interest or development of feelings. I know this because I’m not a guy who will settle to be a woman’s friend if I have a romantic interest and will kill the connection before staying in the friend zone.
You know there are sayings such as “closed mouths don’t get fed” or “a closed hand won’t let anything out or in”. The same applies in relationships. As a man or woman, regardless of societal rules on dating, a certain level of transparency is key; if you don’t speak up and let it be known that you’re interested, then you can’t be mad that they didn’t choose you. What, you expected them to read your mind and just know?! It doesn’t necessarily work like that.
Don’t wait until they get in a new situation or get engaged to finally let it be known that you are “feeling” them; SPEAK NOW! You don’t want to look up months/years from now, and you’re having a “shoulda coulda woulda” conversation with yourself (or in some cases, with said person you are interested in). If the fear is losing a great friendship, then that great friendship is (to a degree) built on a lie (to yourself and to your friend). Believe me folks, I’m a witness to being a dummy, lying to myself and wasting years of your life doing exactly that.
Ok, I go back to relationship silence now. LOL